expendable crewman (kanashimi2) wrote,
expendable crewman

I tried to warn the doctor that I was really sensitive to medications but I had to go and try it anyway just so I could say I tried hahahahaha.
It's been a fun day on the toilet in horrible pain for me today! What a day!
She says it should wear off by tomorrow. I sure hope so. I was taking it to try to help the pain and maybe be able to eat better, not to make me even sicker and in different ways!
I knew this would happen because I ALWAYS get side effects. ALWAYS. You tell that to doctors though and they think you're wasting their for not wanting meds.
I don't want meds though. I want to know what the hell is wrong with me!!!!!
Maybe if I had an actually answer for whats going wrong with my body I could try a medication knowing that it was for the exact thing I had instead of this blindly trying things to see if they help in some way. I hate that more than anything! I even told her about how I have a lot of bad experiences with doctors in the past and how they give up on me and tell me I'm crazy.
She was nice and easy to talk to at least. She wants me to try taking this medicine every other day but we'll have to see how long it takes to clear up from this 1 dose before I think about trying it again. I don't want to have to go through more days like this!
I couldn't eat all today and I am supposed to not be loosing anymore weight and here I went down a pound just today which makes me officially weight the least I ever have since I was 12 years old!
Like that is not ok! Even she said I looked too skinny!
She also said I looked really pale, even for a red head, and she's a red head so she knows what she's talking about lol.
I told I was always really pale, but even I noticed I have gotten more pale this year.
idk why, I'm not anemic at all.

It's works out for the better if this med doesn't work for me though because it is $300 a month!!! She said she didn't know if she should even give me the samples since I wouldn't be able to afford it but then she gave me a few weeks worth anyway.
ugghhhh I just hate everything about drugs!!!! ALL drugs! They all do nothing but make things worse and cost a cruel amount!
She wants me to get a colonoscopy and endoscopy too and she can set it up at the hospital I have a charity program with so I think it will be like $100 for that. Which I don't have but that's still a good price for it. The problem for me though is COVID. I am so scared of getting it and going to a hospital and not even able to wear a mask that is just asking for it and it's getting so much worse with cases exploding everywhere so I feel like this was the worst time ever to start trying to get medical help but it took this long to find a program, apply for it, find a doctor and get an appointment. I would have done it a lot sooner if I could have.
Now I think I will just have to put it on hold again, because at least feeling extremely ill on my own I don't have to worry about killing my parents by giving them some illness.
But then you keep hearing about how you shouldn't put things off because it could be too late by the time you get to it. But I mean I'm going on a year since I've had this severe illness so if it was something too awful it would have killed me by now right? What's waiting another year or so until covid is under control some? I say that but living like this has been so unbearable I feel like I can't get through the days and it's so hard not to want to just end it all just so I don't have to suffer this horrible illness anymore.

Also I don't know why my dad is suddenly so against heat this year. Usually he wants it on way before the rest of us! Yeah we had that spell of hot weather recently but now that it's cold again that week of spring temps makes it feel even colder. We're all freezing, including him. He keeps talking about how his joints are aching so much but he wont even warm himself up with his electric blanket even. The one nice thing about the cold though is that I can keep a heating pad on my belly without overheating.

  • (no subject)

    Been another one of those times where everything seems to break in the house, first the dryer, then the floor, then the water heater tonight and…

  • (no subject)

    Honestly probably need at least $30,000 for all the medical related stuff I need -_- Pretty much positive I need glasses so I will need an eye…

  • (no subject)

    Everything is such a disaster I feel like I am going to have a full blown panic attack. Dryer's been acting up and then tonight it overheated really…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded