expendable crewman (kanashimi2) wrote,
expendable crewman

I'm in agony, absolute agony. I don't know if I can keep getting through the days like this with not a single bit of hope in sight. No help from anywhere.
I have my CT follow up on tuesday but I already read it online and it showed nothing he can deal with.
Just cysts and lesions on my ovaries and fluid in the area. He's not that kind of doctor and that's probably not what's causing all these problems I'm having anyway because the problems are clearly inside my intestines. CLEARLY. The stuff I see come out of me, oh boy.
That guy did say I probably needed to see a gastroenterologist because he's just a surgeon and doesn't deal with those things. He didn't even know what gilbert's syndrome was and I had to explain it to him! He also only does upper digestive, stomach and esophagus and nothing showed in those areas so it's got to be something lower down.

The pain is getting worse and different every day, every minute is feeling harder than the one before. I've never had anything like this in my life. I can't take it but I'm too poor to do anything about it and too sick and weak to try to not be poor.
I called gastros around here last year when this was all starting and they start at $250 per visit, no uninsured discounts, no financial assistance programs and you have to prepay.
So what are people with serious gut problems supposed to do?! Die I guess because money means more to them than anything else. They probably don't even want to help people get well they just want their money.

My mom says they should just pay for it, but all they have is social security, and they pay all the house and car bills with that. They're so old they shouldn't have to pay for anything for me anymore. I'm old enough that I need to not rely on them so much no matter how sick I am.
My mom said was she just supposed to sit there and watch me die, but my dad doesn't want to pay for it anyway and he's the one who gets the money say and I honestly don't think it would be right for them to pay that much when they really can't afford it. My life isn't that important.
It's not like anyone acknowledges my existence outside my house anyway. Can't even get my siblings to interact with me in any way.

The scan also showed I have severe pectus excavatum, which no one said anything about to me ever in my life and if it's severe why didn't anyone ever think it mattered? Since it's something that happens while you're growing it must have showed on ct scans I've had in the past.
I am wondering if that's why I get chest pains all the time! Dr's really don't care about your suffering at all if they don't think they can give you a drug or operation for it do they?

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